Parents have lower expectations for kids becoming financially independent

Parents have lowered their expectations about when adulthood should begin, according to a recent Pew survey.

… The survey finds that today two-thirds (67%) of parents of children age 16 or younger say children should have to become financially independent from their parents by the age of 22—down from 80% who felt this way in 1993.

The increased expectation that graduate school will be part of their education may be partly responsible for this change.

Most everyone thinks young adults have it harder these days.

… Young adults themselves feel things are more difficult now. And middle-aged and older adults agree it’s much harder to be a young adult today than it was a generation ago.

Strong majorities of all adults say it’s harder for today’s young people than it was for their parents to find a job (82%), save for the future (75%), pay for college (71%) or buy a home (69%). In some cases, middle-aged and older adults are even more likely than their younger counterparts to say today’s young people have it harder.

With the exception of paying for college, I’m not convinced young adults have it harder today.  Getting a job, saving, and buying a home were not all that easy for many of my generation.  At the risk of sounding like a grumpy old codger, I believe many young people feel more entitled today than in years past.  When it comes to “delayed gratification” today’s kids tend to think in terms of hours and days, not years.  Is this the result of technology and over-attentive parenting?

All that being said, there’s a good possibility my oldest will return to live at home after graduating college and therefore will not be financially independent by age 22.

Related:  No shame in living at home after college (usually)

New study finds men and women are really different

Improved research methods show greater personality differences between men and women than earlier studies found.

Men and women have large differences in personality, according to a new study published Jan. 4 in the online journal PLoS ONE.

The existence of such differences, and their extent, has been a subject of much debate, but the authors of the new report, led by Marco Del Giudice of the University of Turin in Italy, describe a new method for measuring and analyzing personality differences that they argue is more accurate than previous methods.

The researchers used personality measurements from more than 10,000 people, approximately half men and half women. The personality test included 15 personality scales, including such traits as warmth, sensitivity, and perfectionism. When comparing men’s and women’s overall personality profiles, which take multiple traits into account, very large differences between the sexes became apparent, even though differences look much smaller when each trait is considered separately.

However, the study indicates that previous methods to measure such differences have been inadequate, both because they focused on one trait at a time and because they failed to correct for measurement error.

The authors conclude that the true extent of sex differences in human personality has therefore been consistently underestimated.

Females were found to be more sensitive, warm, and apprehensive while males rated higher in emotional stability, dominance, rule-consciousness, and vigilance.

Would these personality differences affect children’s development if more fathers quit their jobs to serve as primary caregivers for their families?  This could occur as increasingly more women than men are completing college, and would be a reversal of the current trend of college-educated wives dropping out of the workforce.

Related articles

• Do Men and Women Process Humor Differently? (psychologytoday.com)

Boys report that discussing problems feels weird and is a waste of time

Boys reported that discussing problems feels weird and is a waste of time according to recent studies involving nearly 2,000 children and adolescents.

… The researchers found that girls had positive expectations for how talking about problems would make them feel, such as expecting to feel cared for, understood and less alone. On the other hand, boys did not endorse some negative expectations more than girls, such as expecting to feel embarrassed, worried about being teased, or bad about not taking care of the problems themselves. Instead, boys reported that talking about problems would make them feel “weird” and like they were “wasting time.”

Shocking, I know.

… parents also should realize that they may be ‘barking up the wrong tree’ if they think that making boys feel safer will make them confide. Instead, helping boys see some utility in talking about problems may be more effective,” Rose said. “On the other hand, many girls are at risk for excessive problem talk, which is linked with depression and anxiety, so girls should know that talking about problems isn’t the only way to cope.”

A middle ground for all of us might be best.

The takeaway for parents: Encourage boys to realize that sometimes talking is helpful and remind girls not to dwell obsessively over their problems.

What about college application essays?
Students writing their college application essays are often encouraged to write with great feeling about a problem that they overcame.  Boys might tend to have more difficulty with this topic.  Dr. Helen wrote about this in her post titled Does the College Essay Suck the Life Out of Boys?

One thing that caught my eye was how hard and depressing it was for the son to try and write the college essay. Many of the colleges ask for an essay about the student’s “inner life”–usually a buzz word for some kind of sappy self-absorbed nonsense where the student “took a risk” of some kind and went on to become a better person or some variation of that theme.

I can relate to this story and perhaps other parents of sons can also.  Not to worry, this is where essay tutors who charge $2,500 for 5 one-hour sessions can help you out.

Put kids to work to fix the problem of delayed adolescence

Reason for delayed adolescence is that prefontal lobes aren’t properly exercised
Psychology professor Alison Gopnik offers a solution for the problem of delayed adolescence among young people, many of whom are spending their twenties in directionless and unproductive activities.  Here’s the root of  the problem.

 … contemporary children have very little experience with the kinds of tasks that they’ll have to perform as grown-ups

The solution
We need to treat kids more like grownups in giving them the kinds of experiences they will face as adults.  Experiences where they must achieve a real goal in real time.  School apparently is not doing this for most kids, so we must give give them other tasks such as cooking, caregiving, and even jobs.

A Berkeley professor and Newt Gingrich agree that we should make children work?  Amazing.

Instead of simply giving adolescents more and more school experiences—those extra hours of after-school classes and homework—we could try to arrange more opportunities for apprenticeship. AmeriCorps, the federal community-service program for youth, is an excellent example, since it provides both challenging real-life experiences and a degree of protection and supervision.

Nature vs nurture – The argument is that experience can significantly alter the development of the prefontal lobes, thereby playing an important role in reversing this trend of delayed adulthood.

This new explanation also illustrates two really important and often overlooked facts about the mind and brain. First, experience shapes the brain. People often think that if some ability is located in a particular part of the brain, that must mean that it’s “hard-wired” and inflexible. But, in fact, the brain is so powerful precisely because it is so sensitive to experience. It’s as true to say that our experience of controlling our impulses make the prefrontal cortex develop as it is to say that prefrontal development makes us better at controlling our impulses. Our social and cultural life shapes our biology.

Second, development plays a crucial role in explaining human nature. The old “evolutionary psychology” picture was that genes were directly responsible for some particular pattern of adult behavior—a “module.” In fact, there is more and more evidence that genes are just the first step in complex developmental sequences, cascades of interactions between organism and environment, and that those developmental processes shape the adult brain. Even small changes in developmental timing can lead to big changes in who we become.

The role of schools
No doubt our expectations and actions often infantilize children.  I do think that part of this is in reaction to the academic pressure coming from misguided public school policies.  For example, pushing developmentally-inappropriate literacy skills down to younger grades can cause parents to become over-involved and overprotective of their  children.  Similarly, assigning elementary students projects requiring advanced Internet skills and organizational abilities can establish a trend for excessive parental involvement in their children’s school work.

In a similar vein, Brett Nelson at Forbes proposes  “grownup training”  to help young people on their road to maturity.

… Specifically: six months spent working in a factory, six in a restaurant, six on a farm and six in the military or performing another public service such as building houses, teaching algebra or changing bedpans. (Of course, mandated military or civil service between high school and college is nothing new. Austria, Brazil, Finland, Greece, Russia, Turkey and Vietnam all require between six months and two years of service. Israel demands three years from its men and two from its women, after which many would-be undergrads take what the English call a “gap year” to travel the globe before heading off to college.)

HT Joanne Jacobs

Are college students with psychological problems over-indulged?

Increased incidents of  psychological problems among college students have caused colleges to become more accommodating, but some wonder if all this is just another sign of  a coddled generation.

Colleges say they’re seeing more students on campus with psychiatric illnesses. About 11.6% of college students were diagnosed or treated for anxiety in the last year, and 10.7% were diagnosed or treated for depression, according to a survey of more than 100,000 students at 129 schools conducted by the American College Health Association. Many mental illnesses, particularly depression, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, emerge during late adolescence.

Psychiatric disorders like depression and anxiety can have serious academic consequences because they affect concentration, sleep and cognitive processing, say mental health professionals.

Institutions are required to comply with the American for Disabilities Act, but it can get complicated.

Schools say they can’t require faculty to adjust deadlines or attendance policies. And in some courses, like science labs and speech classes, participation is critical, but schools can push instructors to compromise with students.

Even with increased accommodations, psychological conditions are often not viewed as charitably as physical ones.  Is it really an anxiety disorder, or simply a frail temperament overwhelmed by hard work and tough deadlines?  And does a school’s forgiving attitude adequately prepare graduates for a competitive work environment?

“There’s the danger that we take too much care and when they hit the real world that same kind of support isn’t there,” says David Cozzens, dean of students and associate vice president of student affairs at the University of Wyoming in Laramie.

This harsh tone was typical among the 250 comments to this story:

I am so sickened by this article I don’t even know where to begin…….what a bunch of coddled whiners this generation is…….if these students cannot make deadlines because their “karma” is upset ot they are having a bad day caused by the pressure of deadlines and exams…then they should be allowed to fail…as they will in the real world whjere they will not be coddled or catered to….there will be nobody to ‘understand’ just somebody in line to take their job and they will be fired…deservedly…this is not high school…you are in college to perform…under all sorts of pressures….performance requires that you deliver the goods when asked to do so…not on your own timetable…those who can will advance…those who do not will fail…and oh by the way…when allowed an extra 10 days to complete her report where is the fairness to the other students who busted their you know what to be on time? If she is that mentally oppressed and cannot play by the rules then she should simply not be there.

Ouch!  It’s a tough world, even if official attitudes seem more humane  than before.  Parents and students dealing with psychological problems should become fully informed about individual school policies.

Some formal accommodations, like additional test time, are fairly standard across universities and apply to students with physical and learning disabilities, too. But, schools diverge widely on formal accommodations for flexibility with assignment deadlines, class attendance and participation. Some schools leave it up to individual instructors. Others intervene more directly on students’ behalf.

Some more tough talk from college professors over at College Misery

Related articles

• Mental Illness in Kids: The Surprising Warning Signs (everydayhealth.com)

Americans want more pressure on students

Pew Survey reveals Americans want more pressure on students while the Chinese want less

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With U.S. students underperforming in international tests, it may not be surprising that more than six-in-ten (64%) Americans say that parents do not put enough pressure on their children to do well in school; only 11% currently say parents put too much pressure on students, while 21% say parents are exerting the right amount of pressure.

In sharp contrast, about two-thirds (68%) of the Chinese public take just the opposite position in saying that parents in their country, with its surging economy, put too much pressure on their children to succeed academically.

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Changes over the last few years

The percentage of Americans who say parents do not put enough pressure on their children to do well in school has increased by eight percentage points, from 56% in 2006. The shift has been especially notable among women, people between the ages 30 to 49, those with at least some college education, and Democrats.

Women and people between the ages 30 to 49 often have a front row seat on the problems of our nation’s low achievement levels, so I can understand the shift in their views.  It’s less clear why Democrats are seeking parents to pressure students more, although one explanation may be that the teaching profession is dominated by that party.

Although promoters of the film “Race to Nowhere” believe “American kids are under intense pressure to succeed, forced to complete up to six hours of homework each night and therefore increasingly driven to mental illness”, these poll results indicate that most of us disagree.

How much parent involvement is too much?

According to the National Survey of College and University Parent Programs, in 1999, some 35 percent of institutions offered parent orientations. In 2007, over 95 percent conducted them.

It seems amazing to me that just over ten years ago only 35 percent of colleges offered parent orientation.  Is this development good or bad?

This generation of parents has readily accepted that they have earned the Helicopter Parent label. Some flaunt the label proudly, despite warnings that their “hovering” may undermine success and prevent their children from learning some fundamental lessons of young adulthood — such as negotiating conflicts, advocating for themselves, and coping with disappointment.

I’m unaware of conclusive evidence showing that “over-involved” parents are causing serious problems for young adults.  Also, I’m a bit suspicious of a label that educators seem to promote as a way to push parents out of the way when their involvement is inconvenient to the schools.  On the other hand, I know that some parents are guilty of making it hard for their children to develop self-sufficiency skills.

Some parents speak with their college children every day.

How much contact between college students and their parents is too much? The Second Annual Survey on College Parent Expectations indicated that 72.5 percent of parents communicate with their college students at least 2 or 3 times per week. If parents wish to foster independence, this number of weekly contacts may be excessive, depending on the purpose of the communication.

Parents need to ask themselves whether they are calling to simply touch base or keep tabs on their students. Parents and students should determine a communication plan that is comfortable for both parties.

Why parents should leave their kids alone at college – WaPo

Sobering student loan stories

Like a rubbernecker driving past a horrific accident, I can’t help but slow down and read when I run across sobering college debt stories like these.

Erik Solecki
Student debt: $185,000
Degree: Bachelor’s in industrial engineering from Kettering University
Was my college degree worth it? Hell no….

Saniquah Robinson
Student debt: $82,000
Degrees: Master’s in Health Science from Chatham University; Bachelor’s in psychology from Temple University
After holding my Master’s for three years, I’m still fighting to find a Master’s level position….

Shane Dixon
Student debt: $72,800
Degrees: Master’s in public health from University of South Carolina; Bachelor’s in biology from Clemson University
In my early years after high school, I wavered between trade school and college, but eventually opted for college and earned a Bachelor’s in biology.…

Michelle Shipley
Student debt: $140,000
Degree: Bachelor’s in political science and international development from Tulane University
Like many, I had no idea what money meant when I was 17. My family is not wealthy. I simply didn’t have the information or knowledge to know what it would be like now.…

Parents pessimistic about their children’s future

Here’s some doom and gloom to match our overcast weather in the Northeast today.  Results of two recent surveys indicate parents are concerned about their children’s economic future.  I can relate.

Ipsos poll of adults aged 18 and older with a child under the age of 18 conducted March 2011:

…only 41 percent of parents surveyed think that kids will have a better standard of living. It’s a major tectonic shift in our national belief system, but given the events of the past decade, it’s not that shocking.

Bloomberg poll of adults aged 18 and over, conducted June 17-20, 2011:

Fifty-five percent said they expected American children to have a lower standard of living than their parents do today.

Keep in mind that most parents expect their children to enter the work force with a college degree.

The vast majority of parents expect that their children will pursue a college education. Among those with one or more children under age 18, 94% expect at least one of their children will go to college.

From the Ipsos survey, here are some of the things parents are doing to prepare their children for an uncertain economic future.

• Encouraging their children to work toward a well-paying career choice: 40%
• Talking openly with their children about their own personal or family finances, i.e., family income and family expenses: 31%
• Putting money aside for college education: 28%

The hardest part might be actually knowing what a “well-paying career choice” will be 10 or 20 years from now.

Related:  47% of Americans say college is for career preparation

How much do parents influence their children?

Bryan Caplan and Amy Chua debate parenting styles.

Chua:  Some people don’t need parental commitment, they will still come out great, but for others, parents can be critical in providing moral and academic guidance….

Caplan:  …what the adoption and twin evidence says is that the feeling that parents are changing their kids is based on an illusion. There is a big short-run effect, but the long-run effect is very different….

Chua:  Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done. I tried to find the balance between the strict, traditional Chinese way I was raised, which I think can be too harsh, and what I see as a tendency in the west to be too permissive and indulgent.

Caplan:  Parents seem to think their kids are like clay, that you mould them into the right shape when they’re wet. A better metaphor is that kids are like flexible plastic – they respond to pressure, but when you release the pressure they tend to pop back to their original shape.

Chua says her book is “a bit of a spoof”, and my opinion is she purposefully went for the exaggerated tone as a way to sell more books.  But it’s clear her perspective is one where a parent needs to exert more control and dominance than is typical among American families.

Most children need parental commitment, but to varying degrees.  Some kids need a heavier hand than others do, and we should keep in mind that our personal parenting experience may be vastly different from others we may criticize.  I never thought my own kids would benefit from corporal punishment, but I’ve seen others who seemed to respond well to an occasional whack to the behind.

Found at Instapundit